**1. The Sneaky Note:**
A woman, fed up with her husband being late again, decided to teach him a lesson. She wrote a note saying, “I’ve had enough and have left you. Don’t bother coming after me!” She then hid under the bed to witness his reaction.

A short while later, her husband came home. She heard him moving around the kitchen before he entered the bedroom. He walked over to the dresser, picked up the note, and after a few moments, scribbled something on it. Then, he picked up the phone and made a call.

“She’s finally gone… yeah, I know, about bloody time. I’m coming to see you, put on that red French nightie. I love you… can’t wait to see you… we’ll do all the naughty things you like.”

He hung up, grabbed his keys, and left the house.

The woman, seething with rage and tears streaming down her face, crawled out from under the bed. She grabbed the note to see what he had written.

“I can see your feet. We’re out of bread. Be back in five minutes.”

**2. The Anniversary Surprise:**
A husband decided to surprise his wife on their anniversary by doing something she always wanted. He took out the trash without being asked.

**3. The Silent Treatment:**
A wife was giving her husband the silent treatment, thinking he would beg for forgiveness. After a week, he remarked, “You know, we get along pretty well when you’re quiet.”

**4. The Shopping List:**
Wife: “I’m going to the store. Do you need anything?”
Husband: “Just happiness.”
Wife: “They don’t sell that at the store. I’ll get you chips instead.”

**5. The Honest Doctor:**
Husband: “Doctor, I think my wife’s going deaf.”
Doctor: “Stand behind her and say something, then see how close you need to get before she hears you.”
The husband went home, saw his wife in the kitchen, and said from the doorway, “What’s for dinner?”
No response.
He moved closer and repeated, “What’s for dinner?”
Still no response.
Finally, he was right behind her and asked, “What’s for dinner?”
She turned around and snapped, “For the third time, chicken!”

**6. The Ultimate Test:**
Wife: “If I die before you, will you remarry?”
Husband: “I might.”
Wife: “Would she sleep in our bed?”
Husband: “Probably.”
Wife: “Would she use my golf clubs?”
Husband: “No, she’s left-handed.”

**7. The Perfect Marriage:**
A man asked his friend, “What’s the secret to your perfect marriage?”
His friend replied, “We go to a nice restaurant twice a week, enjoy good food, wine, and a relaxing conversation.”
“Wow, that sounds great. When do you go?”
“I go on Tuesdays, she goes on Fridays.”